Trying to Keep it Together!!

Lately it feels as if God is working against me. I'm broke as hell and I need a miracle. Life seems as if it getting rougher by the moment. Jerry is trying to make moves but his past keeps coming to haunt him. So what do I do? Its like I can't wait to leave or can't wait for a big move to happen. Its so hard. Im behind in everything. My house phone, cable, and internet has been turned off. My daughter school is ready to put us out, I am a month behind in that. Oh lets not for get the Cell Phone. Been off for a month now. I trying to think positive, but how do I live knowing that life is being this hard. I'm praying about it, but its taking so long for a miracle to happen. I am so tired of asking my mom for help and I don't want Jerry to feel less than a man but I think that I have to live according to my budget. The place that I have I based it on both of our income and now we can't afford it. I feel so bad. But my motto is No Negative Energy, and its hard for me to say that when its hard for me to provide. So I'm cutting somethings like no more driving to work I have to take the Bus. I truly believe that God does have my back and that this transition in my life will get better. I'm trying to be patient and let things flow. Im just soooo worried about my credit, and paying all this money back. What do I do? I guess no more partying for me.


Budgeting is a skill....

Angel B.

No Negative Energy

So this title has been my motto for this week. I'm making it the motto for the rest of my life. Amazing huh? Well I'm trying to make this a motto for the rest of my life. See I found out that when I have negative energy around me and let things upset me or stress me out, that I am more likely not to finish the things that I may like to finish, or start the things that I will like to start. See I have this thing that if something or someone upset me that it will bother me for the whole week. It didn't matter if it was for one day. It would effect me for whole week. It had gotten to the point that my hair was falling out badly. I would walk into my bathroom and comb or brush my hair and hair will be everywhere. So told myself that this had to change. I have finally started eating right and I love it. I went to the grocery store and got fruits, veggies, fish and chicken. Can you believe that I passed up the red meat. I wanted to get a steak so bad. Lol. Now I just heard about this book called "Skinny Bitch" and it's suppose to help you find out whats in different foods and how to eat organic foods. So I'm excited. Every since I started eating *cough* Correctly, I've been feeling really good. Thanks Jen, for reminding me to write. Kisses to all my readers and remember No Negative Energy!!

I don't live to eat, I eat to LIVE..Martin Lawrence

Angel B

How Many of Us Have Them....??

I think I think to much. Because I was speaking to someone the other day and we was talking about all the friends we have and I couldn't really name any. Not to say the ones who are my friends are not my friends because they are. I'm speaking in a since of growing up since elementary, high school, college friends. I really don't have any of those. Just a few that I don't speak to very often. I have also noticed that I dont have a best friend. Well I do , but we have families and we work and just be soo busy..So we don't converse very often. Sasha I love you. But I have come to realize that I have really be friended some of my fiances friends and I love them as if I grew up with them. I enjoy hanging with them. Maybe because they are older than me and my mind has grew past a normal 23 year old. Lol. I don't know. But I know that I do enjoy hearing from the ones who do call me. Just thought that I shoud write about it. It was on my mind.


Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you...

Angel B

Finally!!

So I'm finally at ease with myself and with him. I had my test yesterday when he left the house on a Thursday night. We have been up and down about how can I can trust him when he has down so much to me. But yesrterday I felt for the first time in a looong time that I could. I slept peacefully, and when he arrived home I justed wanted his warmth. I have adjusted myself to the realization that if I truly love this man I have to trust him. You can not be in love with someone and don't trust them. We are working on somethings and I actually told him that he doesn't have a curfew. LOL. He asked me "Bay what time do you want me home?."I clearly stated that its time for us to grow as a couple and he can stay out as long as he like. It felt good to me to know that I didnt have to worry about him. The talk that I had with my friend at lunch truly helped and I can say that she is really my best friend. Thank you Sasha. I told her that I really don't like to call him as much as he would call me, because it feels like I am checking up on him, or vice versa. But when I went out he called me just once and it felt really good. I told myself that we were challenging ourselves and growing together. I put in the back of my mind that if were going to start our life over together that we have to leave the past in the past. I want to move on with him and I want to do the same. I love the fact that this is what we have chosen to do.


Love does not Envy...

Angel B.

Just Thinking

I have been thinking about so much stuff lately, like family, life, where I am headed. So to begin I want to talk about family. I have never really know the father side of my family and I would like to get to know them. Its like every time I go around them I feel like an outcast. I feel embarrassed because half of them dont know that I exist. I dont know my brothers and sister like I should and is painful. I have always felt like my father loved them more them me. I will always feel that way for the simple fact he was never really there me for like he was for them. I havent talked to my middle brother in eight years now. I sent him pictures of me and my family and he never responded to me like he doesnt want to be bothered. Maybe its just me. I have never really had the brothers and sister that always wanted. I miss them daily and I love them. I just wish I had a better relationship with them.

Next subject Life. I have been thinking about what I am going to do. I really love Jerry and I have been thinking about marring him and going off living on military post with him. This will be a start of a new life for both of us. The only thing will I be ok to survive with out seeing my mommy. I think so. I went away to school. lol But overall. I have to get settled some place after a year of him being gone. What will I do. I think of something. I know I will miss him alot..:-) But its all for a better living.

Last but not least Where I am Headed. Now i do want to go back to school some time soon. I want to major in nursing. I'm not sure when I would have the time to this but I will. I was thinking when I move away. I can get off to a fresh new start. Start saving and taking care of me and my family. Resting. and Relaxing. Such a breeze to think about that.I justed wanted to update my readers on what I been thinking and planing. Send me some comments on what ya think? Kisses


Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become...Electra Rome Parks

Angel B.

A New Life

A New Life

When I see you

Hold You

Caress you

A New Life

As I kiss you

Feel You

Live you

My Heart

Heals for You

Bleeds for you

Hurts for you

My Soul

Will die for you

Cry for you

Stay beside you

My Love

Is everlasting

Only for you

Wants you

Need you

A New Life

A New Beginning

A never ending story of

A New Life

A Tragedy

So today I came to work with the intensions on havng a good day. Who expects to have a bad one?. I walked to my desk and my co worker came to me and told me one of my patients had died. When she told me who it was. I felt this overwelming senstaion in my stomach. I truley loved this patient maybe because we shared the same name. That was our joke. Lol. So I got up and I went into the bathroom and cried, I was sooo hurt. So my coworker found me and said that his wife was looking for me. That made me feel soo much better because she took time out of her life to let me know personally. As I wiped my eyes and put myself back together, I went out to see her. I was very shakey and nervous like it was my first time meeting her or something. She was just standing there and as I walked up to her she just opened her arms to recieve me. We hugged each other and cried together. I felt like we were family. She explained to me what happened to him and how he wasn't in pain anymore. He was 60 but he was a young 60. She told me she had to come tell me because I made his day and it was a pleasure getting to know me. I told her I would send of something to show my gratitude, and call to check up on her. But as we talked we then come to realize that he doesnt want us to be sad but he want us to be happy, because he is not hurting anymore. She told me how she was not eating and her kids was coping with it. When I say that this man was the funniest and sweetest patient I have ever met. I could not imagine the pain that she felt and her kids are feeling. But before she left I felt better and she felt better. I encourage people to go get check ups daily, annually whenever. The place that I work at they drop like flyes here. The youngest I have seen pass was 19 thats tooo young. Just thought I should share my experience.

Live for the Moment.

Angel B.

Got 34 problems and You ain't one

Ive been thinking alot about moving lately and it has really been on my mind. Thinking about how can I provide for me and my child. I work Yes. I make good money. But as I sat and watch the news Yesterday and heard how much this city economy is growing. I can't afford it. Chicago is a great city but the downfalls are leaving me broke. Like gas is about be 5 dollars now and they tax for water. What type of city tax for water. CHICAGO!!. But on top of that the sales tax is 10.25 percent now. What is this the great depression? Its crazy. So my ideal life now is to let Jerry back to the Military and work one more year so I can save up a little bit. Get married and live on post with him and my daughter. Its much better than living pay check to paycheck. The only thing is for that year I will be without him. Who wants be lonely. But I know its for a good cause. I will miss my family, friends, old life, but I will start a new one. Im so confused but curious as well. What do I do. Do I save? Or live from paycheck to paycheck. So many decisions, very little time.

Everyday is time..Live like it was your last.

Angel B.