We Just Praying For Peace!!

So my grandaddy is in ICU, trying to recover from complications of a mass on his lungs, cancer on his bladder, liver, kidney, spine and his bones, also pneumonia. He is on a ventilator and we just don't know what to do. His last words was not to be on any machines, but with my mom being his on health care provider and his nurse, she stated that he went out of breath and she had to call the ambulance. She thinks that we mad at her, but we keep trying to tell her that we know its not her fault. I try to in trust in her that I am with her all the way, but she keeps feeling guilty. I love my mother with all my heart and I want her to be comfortable with the decision that she has made. This is a tough decision that we all know that she has to make, we want her to know that in this situation that it is between God and My dad. She just don't want to let him go right now. Which is understandable. I am just confused on how to go about talking to her. Me and my mom are best friends, she is my only true best friend and I back her up 100%. I just wanted to updated my readers on whats going on in my life.

Your never know when your time is up.

Angel B.

The Start Of A New Me!

I finally started my diet, and I am actually being consistent with it. Can you believe that. I have went a whole week of eating right and turning down sweet snacks. Its hard I must admit, but I have to keep pushing. I started working out and that's going very well. I start off on my activity ball and then I go and hit the sauna. Its my own sauna that I made. I turn my hot water on, I mean blast it and then I close the door, and it gets steamy. I even got a workout suit, the ones that are plastic and sticks to your body when you sweat. All thanks to My Love Jerry. He was the one that bought everything. I am content with myself now and it feels so good. I love doing it when I get home. Soon as I open the door I am putting my gear on and going to work. When I get in my home made sauna and start moving I really start to sweat, I come out there like I took a fully clothes bath. Autumn even helps. She points out what exercise I am doing and does it with me. I want to get back down to 160, and I know it will be hard, but I have to at least try. Please pray for me in my journey of weight loss. I love myself and you all too.

Can't wait to see the new me.

Angel B.

Finally Took A Vacation.

I finally went on a vacation, this past weekend. I was in Vegas from November 21st till the 26th. 5 short days and it was great. Jerry and I escaped together. We explored what Vegas had to offer as well as each other, if you know what I mean. Lol. We took lots of pictures of the great sin city, we got drunk off of each other company and that is something that we are not able to do at home. It was very relaxing all together. I just wanted to give an update on my days. No pictures to show, Jerry lost the camera. Sucks I know. Lol. PEACE


Angel B.

Life Vs Reality Vs Dreams

Life lets start there. I have been working my ass off now for a year and I deserve everything that I get. But now I want to buy me a condo. No not rent, but own one. How do I go about this? I know just go out and find one but see its not that easy. I'm still broke. I have to figure out how to save my money. Sometimes Life sucks.

Reality is that I live on the north side in a two bedroom Condo that I rent. I pay a ton of money to stay there, to protect myself and my family. I love the place that I love its just that its small and I need to start owning some things in case I die, I can leave a piece of me to my daughter. I want her to have something. The problem occurs because I am always dreaming.

My Dreams are to live in a big house or Two Flat Condo. I search all day at work looking for such greatness, but still I find nothing. Well I do but either there on the south side, which I am not moving, or they are to expensive. I even got a realtor, let me say a couple of Realtors that are helping me find different places. I am suppose to go Saturday and look at some places, but what for I don't have anything set. Like no pre approved papers, or set environment that I want to live. So what do I do?

This is where Dreams meets Reality who determines my Life. Give me suggestions on how I should go about this? I need a little guidance and help.

Keep Dreaming soon it will become Reality, which is the start of a new Life.

Angel B.

Typing Away

Ok let me update you on whats been going on. So I have been hearing from one of my close friends that my so called family that I disowned has said some cruel and unappreciative things. I know you reading this like what did he say. Well some things consist of that my shit don't stink at least he thinks I think that, but I say I thought it did when I use the bathroom it smells ridiculous. Lol. Also that I think that I'm that stuff since I have a job. As well as my boyfriend doesn't speak to his family because he puts me before them. This funny just writing this. I feel like this don't hate on me because you to lazy to work for the things you need to get. Don't hate me because your family disowned you on some shit you knew not to do. How can you possible say that my boyfriend puts me before his family. In that case you have done the same thing. You don't speak to your family for the fact that you think you really like someone. All the while you playing her for a baby. I have my own. Get yours. I'm not going dis her for what. Yall both beneath me as you put it. See you tell people who tell me things. You are ridiculous. So now you don't think the baby is yours? Wowww, Do she even know your talking like this? Stop using your dick and use your head. This is life now, a baby is nothing to play with. Man up Punk. Leave me and my life alone, live yours that you have now. Understand this I want nothing to do with you or your baby. I don't care. I still love ya though.Lol. Peace

Sorry Readers as I started to type I started to talk to him.

Family can be your worst enemy.

Angel B.

Motherhood-(What More Can I Say)

I just love being a mother. Don't we all just think we have the sweetest, cooky/wacky, talented, and lovable kids. *Sigh* Its Great. I remember in '04' when I took that test and it said positive for pregnancy, I felt like my world was over. I cried, I kept telling myself that my life was over. I was in college and doing good. I couldn't bear to have a child now. Of course I thought about abortion, but I told myself that I was being selfish to my unborn child and to GOD. I told myself that if GOD didn't want me to have this baby then he will take this life from me. As time went on, I guess he figured I can handle it, so I kept her. I went back away to school, by myself. How scary..Not really, especially when you are determined. I was four months when I returned to Louisiana, and I was 71/2 months when I returned back home. I was ready and happy from all the support I was receiving from family. On February 17th 2005 at 6:17 in the morning I gave birth to a precious little girl name Autumn. The FIRST best moment in my life.



My baby is now three and she is the most important person in my life. I just love her style, her attitude, her sweetness, her meanness, the way she speak, her talent, her drive to do things on her own, etc.. Overall I just love Autumn. When I come home, she runs to the door to give me a hug, and tell me about her day. She calls me Angel when she is playing and Mommy when she really wants something. I know she is bound to be the greatest, even if it is just in my eyes. I thank GOD everyday for giving me a Golden Life.


Autumn Mom

What Is With Her!

I have been getting complaints from my daughter school, saying that she has been throwing temper tantrums, fighting, hitting, and being disobedient. So I wonder what is going on with her. Friday my mother picked her up from school and her teacher stated that Autumn could not go on this trip with her class on Monday, if one of parents did not come along with her. WHAT! I was upset that my mother had told me that my sweet darling little child could be so mean. Of course I had my little mommie to daughter talk with her, and then she apologized. So that tuesday I had a half a day at work and when I arrived at her school, she was getting in trouble. The teacher stated that she had just splashed water everywhere and slapped a little girl for getting in her way. So the teacher brought her to me, she was boo hooing, and surprised to see me. I calmed her down and she apologized. I have to sneak in on her and catch her in the act, otherwise, how will she know what she did wrong if I don't discipline her on sight. I had gave the teacher my telephone number but she never called. I'm off friday, so I told myself that I WILL go and sit in on her to see how she acting in class.. Who knows we will see.

Spare The Rod Spoil the Child

Angel B.

Quick Update!

Yesterday I went to my first White Sox game and it was fantastic. I had so much fun, even tho we paid so much for the tickets. It was worth my money. They won. Now that's how I like it, win on my money. I had me a couple of beers, which I don't drink. I was so in the moment. I can now say that I have seen all Chicago Pro Games. I have been to a Sox, Cubs, Blackhawks, Bears and Bulls Game. All wins.

So today I am a little grumpy. Why? I have no idea. Just not in the mood for anything. Maybe I need rest or relaxing time. I need a break. I know I will get one in November but that is not coming soon enough.


Live you life to the Fullest..

Angel B.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I have officially washed my hands with one of my closest family members. I wasn't trying to be mean or rude, but its just some things that you don't hold from your family when you KNOW they are going to find out. Its just a bunch of bullshit. Where can I begin.

First, lets say that my cousin who is like my brother is dating my fiance sister, in which some people wouldn't think that's wrong. That's fine. The problem is that we was all close and now that they are dating it has pushed our friendship and closeness apart. So that's where the problem occurs. Then it went to a point where. My love sister was saying that MY family was hating, and fuck us she don't need our approval and a bunch of 21 year old bullshit. But my brother is sitting back riding it like he 21. He old as fuck acting like her. Edging her on.

Second, where do I begin. So we all went our separate ways and we all fine and dandy with that. Me and my brother would still talk on a regular basis and see each other. He even came to my birthday party, which was cool. But my family was still some haters. All the while no one ever says anything to me about why I am such a hater. When I don't even care.

So Third, This is the big part. Just this past weekend my uncle which is my cousin (brother) dad calls my mother who is my uncle ONLY sister and tell her that he about to be a granddad. My mother was shocked and instantly called me and thought that I knew something about it. I told her no, but I was instantly hurt. Why because he was running around before he started dating her talking about how he wanted a baby, and now that you are about to have your first child you have to hide it from the only one who would probably accept you. But its like now since you couldn't tell me fuck you. So his girl who is immature goes and says that we are in her business. How so? How am I in your business. I feel like if you don't want me to know, don't tell people in my family that you know is going to tell me.

So I washed my hands with him and her since I am such a fucking hater and in their business. You want have to worry about me and all. I sent him a text telling him not to call me and lose my number. Don't expect shit from me and have a nice life. I just don't understand people sometimes. How can you bring another life into this world and you can't control the one you have. The momma or you as a step daddy. Both of you are broke and living off other people. But I am hater. Get your shit together and then you can speak to me. Until then live your life and I will live mines. Congrats to you and yours.

Sometimes family can be your worst enemy...

Angel B.

They Trying To Stop Me!

So I been having the darnest time getting back into school. I want to go so bad. I need to finish up on my hopes, goals and dreams. So the last time I went I had graduated from Olympia College. Then I attempted to go back to Roosevelt University and I got the classes and everything, BUT I started working a full time job and it cut my classes out. So I withdrew from school. Then I get a call telling me that I may owe the school because I did not withdraw correctly. So now they are telling me that I owe them at least $2,000. What The Freaking Hell!!! So they told me I can send in a petition to override that owe anything. Never heard anything. Sent in another one six months later, still haven't heard anything. So now I have contacted them because I am trying to get back in and the lady that I spoke with was very polite and willing to help me. She stated to me that she will call me back and figure out whats going on with my account. She has given me hope, that I won't have to pay them that money. I am praying that I won't. I know they have the right to do so but I don't have that type of money as of now. Just giving you guys a head up on the progress I am trying to make.

Never stop trying..The word Can't does not exist..

Angel B.

Great Weekend!

My weekend was fantastic. Friday I went out with my girlfriend from High School. We went club hoppin. I met Chris Michaels from WGCI. He got us into all these different bars and clubs. It was wonderful. I enjoyed seeing her and hanging with her. You ROCK Dinorah. So Saturday I went over to my other friend house and I just relaxed and chilled with her and her friends. We watched movies, had some drinks (not me). She even cooked. lol. Thanks Misha. Sunday was my family day. I went bowling with my mother and I slept from 1 to 5. Jerry made a delicious meal for me. Some Greens, Cornbread, Mac and Cheese and Chicken. It was soooo Yummy Licious. Lmao. Then we laid up and watched TV, after I gave Autumn a bath. So relaxing. Your fabulous Jerry. So that was my great weekend, I hope I can do it again this weekend. Friends call me.

Lets Chill..

Angel B.

What's Really Going On

For the past month things seems as if they are going down hill for me and Jerry. He seem to question my where bouts and the things that I am doing when I am not with him. We had this talk where we get everything out in the opening but that haven't worked. So for this week he calls me and and asks me what time am I coming home. Lets be honest who in Gods name knows when there are coming home when they are having a good time with their friends. So I felt like the question was irrelevant, for the simple fact that if I would of told him in 30 min, then he would be expecting me in 30 min. So the next thing is what if I don' t feel like coming in at those 30 mins, then it will be an argument about why I told him 30 min. Get my point. So its like I am growing tired of questions like that. Questions such as What are you doing? Hanging with my friends. When you coming home? Don't know. Where are you? The same place I said I was 20 minutes ago. I don't know maybe its me. But when I go out I like to just hang. Call me with a conversation like. I miss you bay.. I do too.. Just calling to hear your voice. AW WW how sweet. OK then baby see you at home.. OK bay Love you... I love you too...Quick first and foremost, but sweet and sexy at the same time. I am not trying to be mean but, I have come to realize that we need our space from each other after the long week of seeing each other. Lets get out with our own friends. I'm the type of person who hates to hold a conversation with someone when I am with someone else. For example. I am out with an old college friend, don't call me and try to hold a conversation about something else when we can talk about this at home. Get my drift. I just needed to write about some of these things that are on my mind. Tired of venting now.. TTYL..


Don't let your mind bother you, it will drive you crazy.

Angel B.

Mind Is Racing!

I have a friend that is missing. She is good friend of mines. I mean let me say that we went to high school together and we was close, so now that we are older we speak more often. So I was on my myspace and her status had caught my eye. It had said the she was missing and that this was for real to call her little sister if we heard or seen anything. So then I scrolled down and she had placed a bulletin and everything. The bulletin was basically stating what she had on and what she looked like. So of course this started to worry me. I called her sister to find out what happened and what she told me had just disturbed me. I can't and won't go into details about what happened. I just want everyone to pray for her and her family. This goes to anyone who is reading this.

Please Pray

Angel

She's Mine

I got some wonderful news and also some scary news. I went to my daughters school and Jerry took her in to her class and when he came out, I saw him talking himself. So of course when he got in the car I asked him why is was speaking to himself. He said "Well bay, You know Autumn is Ms. Janice (Autumns teacher) baby". I said "of course". So he goes on to tell me that she wants me to observe Autumn and put it on this paper. So you know I'm anxiously waiting for him to tell me for what. As he continue he goes to say " Ms. Janice wants to sit down and work with her and prepare her for next fall". I was looking at him in the disbelief look. Then he continued to tell me that she wanted her to start kindergarten in fall of "09". Remind you my baby is only three she won't be four until February, so that means she will be an early four year old starting school. I just felt so overwhelmed like they were trying to take my baby from me. I told him next they will be trying to move out my house by the age of six. Jerry just looked at me. Him being a father of course he doesn't see it my way. He sees it as it will be a great opportunity and which I do too. But. I also see it as she is my first baby and I want her all to myself. How selfish is that? I know she has to go.. but really this soon. I just love her so much. So I guess I will have to do my best to work with this teacher to help my child be a better person. My mom told me when you have your own child then you see why I protect you so much. I feel like it is my duty to keep her close to me, but I know she will venture off on her own. She is so independent already in which she reminds me of myself.


I never knew how much my heart could hold, UNTIL Autumn called me Mommy.

Angel B.

Blogging

Lately I have been hanging with many of my friedns and it feels great. I know your probably wondering like is she for real who doesn't hang with there friends. Well me. I have adapted to staying at home and chilling with the family. But. Now every weekend it seems as if I'm hanging with someone in my past or present. Its just a wonderful feeling. To know that someone is always there. Jerry kept telling me you have friends you just act like you don't want to be bothered. So I took his advice and now I'm having the time of my life. I have learned how to balance my life at home, work, and my friends. I talk to most of them almost everyday. In some form, either text, phone call or email. Just wanted to update you guys on my mood and life.

Real Friends are there forever..

Angel B.

I'm Ready

I am so ready to make a move already. I want to go far away and start all over. I mean start all over. I need a fresh life, a fresh start, everything. I want a house with a big yard for my daughter. I want a basement and a attic. I want security. I think if I make this move in the future I will have a stressfree life. Lol. Who knows? It's like everything here is very stressful. I worry about so much and I can't seem to let go of the past. I need to let go of everything and move forward. If this means letting go of everything in my present so be it. My life and future is more important than worrying about what some think or has done to me. So I'm ready, and it's time.


Ready as I ever Be..

Angel B.

Things are looking Upward

Good news has been rolling into my household lately. I may get this promotion after all, and Jerry has been on quite a few interviews. This job that I am trying to get, starting calling my references yesterday and everyone are being very positive. I pray that they give me this position. Lord knows I need it. The place that I work now is so overwhelming, and unorganized. Jerry's interviews has been going extremely well. This pizza place looks like it fell through, and this ADT security position really likes him as well. He said they wanted him to work in the corporate building. Fabulous. It wasn't even for the position that he applied for. She told him that she liked the way he dress. So for me it will be a better raise and for him, no Military, and more income. Hip Hip Hooray Lol. The baby wants to get into gymnastics and when things (money) get right, then I will put her in a class. Life can only get better.

There is no need to look down, look up to a brighter future.

Angel B.

The Importance Of Family

I got this letter in the mail the other day and it was from my Auntie Elise on my fathers side. The letter was basically talking about how there family reunion went in Atlanta, and how unfortunately some people were not able to make it. Of course I wasn't there. But I was thinking to myself how could I be unfortunate, if they never really made an attempt to know me. I felt as if I didn't really miss anything. When I was a child I was a little close to them, but as I grew older, I matured and moved on. I would sometimes call them and it was like speaking to them for the first time. Why did it have to be that way? So now that I am older, it seems as if my father as dropped off the face of the earth. I talk to him every blue moon and its briefly. For example the last time I spoke with him was to tell me about the reunion 3 days before the money was due to actually go. Now how do you expect for me to come, and do you even think that he offered to give me any money to try to get me there. It was just like call your auntie and get the info if you make it you make it and if you don't then you don't. It was the same for my Grandmas' funeral he called to tell me she passed and he seemed as if he really wanted me there and when my mom "hustled" up the money, He asked me if I was going to have a car. I told him no. Then he says "well why didn't she get you a car". I told him the same reason why you didn't. Sometimes I feel as if he is surreal. My mom has done all that she can for me and still doing. She has always taught me to try to get to know them. But how? The last family reunion I went to my Great Aunts didn't even know I existed. I was getting responses like " I didn't know Robert had another child". Like I'm a sinful child or something. I felt so rejected. I only no my mother side of the family.Jerry and I was talking last week about you always have that one person you can count on and that person is my mom. If she was to past I think that I would die. She has played a major role in my life. I want to be the same with my daughter. I never really had that sister or brother that I could run to and tell my secrets to. So I have adjusted myself to keeping them in. Maybe that's why I would get so angry at times. I thank God everyday for sending me someone who I know is responsible enough to take care of his kids. Jerry is a wonderful father. I wish my father was like him. It has been a year since I have seen my sister and oldest brother, but its been 8 years since I seen my middle brother. I pray that we will come closer and learn one another, but at this point I found that, being apart is a part of our every day life. I think that I have bounced back into this world very well. My mother has always been my inspiration and she will forever be my hero.

Its not how hard you fall, its how high you bounce...Unknown

Angel B

Big Things Poppin Literally!!

I'm so ready to do this, like right now!! I have been looking to relocate out of Chicago, this city is to expensive for my blood. So I have been looking for places in Las Vegas and in Atlanta. I sent my resume to I don't know how many jobs, and I have looked and a trillion places. I am just waiting for that call back "when are you available to come down for an interview", RIGHT NOW will be my response.Lol. I told my boyfriend to be looking as well. I'm so excited. I know this will be a hard transition but it's the right transition. I am so tired of struggling because the Gas is to high, or rent is to much, lets not forget child care. They don't pay me enough for this. Sales tax is rising all this because of some stupid olympics. I told my self that if I get a call back soon and get hired that I will break my lease and move as soon as possible. I need to explore and provide better for my family, and Chicago isn't the place for me to do that.

Live beyond the Norm.

Angel B.

Trying to Keep it Together!!

Lately it feels as if God is working against me. I'm broke as hell and I need a miracle. Life seems as if it getting rougher by the moment. Jerry is trying to make moves but his past keeps coming to haunt him. So what do I do? Its like I can't wait to leave or can't wait for a big move to happen. Its so hard. Im behind in everything. My house phone, cable, and internet has been turned off. My daughter school is ready to put us out, I am a month behind in that. Oh lets not for get the Cell Phone. Been off for a month now. I trying to think positive, but how do I live knowing that life is being this hard. I'm praying about it, but its taking so long for a miracle to happen. I am so tired of asking my mom for help and I don't want Jerry to feel less than a man but I think that I have to live according to my budget. The place that I have I based it on both of our income and now we can't afford it. I feel so bad. But my motto is No Negative Energy, and its hard for me to say that when its hard for me to provide. So I'm cutting somethings like no more driving to work I have to take the Bus. I truly believe that God does have my back and that this transition in my life will get better. I'm trying to be patient and let things flow. Im just soooo worried about my credit, and paying all this money back. What do I do? I guess no more partying for me.


Budgeting is a skill....

Angel B.

No Negative Energy

So this title has been my motto for this week. I'm making it the motto for the rest of my life. Amazing huh? Well I'm trying to make this a motto for the rest of my life. See I found out that when I have negative energy around me and let things upset me or stress me out, that I am more likely not to finish the things that I may like to finish, or start the things that I will like to start. See I have this thing that if something or someone upset me that it will bother me for the whole week. It didn't matter if it was for one day. It would effect me for whole week. It had gotten to the point that my hair was falling out badly. I would walk into my bathroom and comb or brush my hair and hair will be everywhere. So told myself that this had to change. I have finally started eating right and I love it. I went to the grocery store and got fruits, veggies, fish and chicken. Can you believe that I passed up the red meat. I wanted to get a steak so bad. Lol. Now I just heard about this book called "Skinny Bitch" and it's suppose to help you find out whats in different foods and how to eat organic foods. So I'm excited. Every since I started eating *cough* Correctly, I've been feeling really good. Thanks Jen, for reminding me to write. Kisses to all my readers and remember No Negative Energy!!

I don't live to eat, I eat to LIVE..Martin Lawrence

Angel B

How Many of Us Have Them....??

I think I think to much. Because I was speaking to someone the other day and we was talking about all the friends we have and I couldn't really name any. Not to say the ones who are my friends are not my friends because they are. I'm speaking in a since of growing up since elementary, high school, college friends. I really don't have any of those. Just a few that I don't speak to very often. I have also noticed that I dont have a best friend. Well I do , but we have families and we work and just be soo busy..So we don't converse very often. Sasha I love you. But I have come to realize that I have really be friended some of my fiances friends and I love them as if I grew up with them. I enjoy hanging with them. Maybe because they are older than me and my mind has grew past a normal 23 year old. Lol. I don't know. But I know that I do enjoy hearing from the ones who do call me. Just thought that I shoud write about it. It was on my mind.


Your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you...

Angel B

Finally!!

So I'm finally at ease with myself and with him. I had my test yesterday when he left the house on a Thursday night. We have been up and down about how can I can trust him when he has down so much to me. But yesrterday I felt for the first time in a looong time that I could. I slept peacefully, and when he arrived home I justed wanted his warmth. I have adjusted myself to the realization that if I truly love this man I have to trust him. You can not be in love with someone and don't trust them. We are working on somethings and I actually told him that he doesn't have a curfew. LOL. He asked me "Bay what time do you want me home?."I clearly stated that its time for us to grow as a couple and he can stay out as long as he like. It felt good to me to know that I didnt have to worry about him. The talk that I had with my friend at lunch truly helped and I can say that she is really my best friend. Thank you Sasha. I told her that I really don't like to call him as much as he would call me, because it feels like I am checking up on him, or vice versa. But when I went out he called me just once and it felt really good. I told myself that we were challenging ourselves and growing together. I put in the back of my mind that if were going to start our life over together that we have to leave the past in the past. I want to move on with him and I want to do the same. I love the fact that this is what we have chosen to do.


Love does not Envy...

Angel B.

Just Thinking

I have been thinking about so much stuff lately, like family, life, where I am headed. So to begin I want to talk about family. I have never really know the father side of my family and I would like to get to know them. Its like every time I go around them I feel like an outcast. I feel embarrassed because half of them dont know that I exist. I dont know my brothers and sister like I should and is painful. I have always felt like my father loved them more them me. I will always feel that way for the simple fact he was never really there me for like he was for them. I havent talked to my middle brother in eight years now. I sent him pictures of me and my family and he never responded to me like he doesnt want to be bothered. Maybe its just me. I have never really had the brothers and sister that always wanted. I miss them daily and I love them. I just wish I had a better relationship with them.

Next subject Life. I have been thinking about what I am going to do. I really love Jerry and I have been thinking about marring him and going off living on military post with him. This will be a start of a new life for both of us. The only thing will I be ok to survive with out seeing my mommy. I think so. I went away to school. lol But overall. I have to get settled some place after a year of him being gone. What will I do. I think of something. I know I will miss him alot..:-) But its all for a better living.

Last but not least Where I am Headed. Now i do want to go back to school some time soon. I want to major in nursing. I'm not sure when I would have the time to this but I will. I was thinking when I move away. I can get off to a fresh new start. Start saving and taking care of me and my family. Resting. and Relaxing. Such a breeze to think about that.I justed wanted to update my readers on what I been thinking and planing. Send me some comments on what ya think? Kisses


Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become...Electra Rome Parks

Angel B.

A New Life

A New Life

When I see you

Hold You

Caress you

A New Life

As I kiss you

Feel You

Live you

My Heart

Heals for You

Bleeds for you

Hurts for you

My Soul

Will die for you

Cry for you

Stay beside you

My Love

Is everlasting

Only for you

Wants you

Need you

A New Life

A New Beginning

A never ending story of

A New Life

A Tragedy

So today I came to work with the intensions on havng a good day. Who expects to have a bad one?. I walked to my desk and my co worker came to me and told me one of my patients had died. When she told me who it was. I felt this overwelming senstaion in my stomach. I truley loved this patient maybe because we shared the same name. That was our joke. Lol. So I got up and I went into the bathroom and cried, I was sooo hurt. So my coworker found me and said that his wife was looking for me. That made me feel soo much better because she took time out of her life to let me know personally. As I wiped my eyes and put myself back together, I went out to see her. I was very shakey and nervous like it was my first time meeting her or something. She was just standing there and as I walked up to her she just opened her arms to recieve me. We hugged each other and cried together. I felt like we were family. She explained to me what happened to him and how he wasn't in pain anymore. He was 60 but he was a young 60. She told me she had to come tell me because I made his day and it was a pleasure getting to know me. I told her I would send of something to show my gratitude, and call to check up on her. But as we talked we then come to realize that he doesnt want us to be sad but he want us to be happy, because he is not hurting anymore. She told me how she was not eating and her kids was coping with it. When I say that this man was the funniest and sweetest patient I have ever met. I could not imagine the pain that she felt and her kids are feeling. But before she left I felt better and she felt better. I encourage people to go get check ups daily, annually whenever. The place that I work at they drop like flyes here. The youngest I have seen pass was 19 thats tooo young. Just thought I should share my experience.

Live for the Moment.

Angel B.

Got 34 problems and You ain't one

Ive been thinking alot about moving lately and it has really been on my mind. Thinking about how can I provide for me and my child. I work Yes. I make good money. But as I sat and watch the news Yesterday and heard how much this city economy is growing. I can't afford it. Chicago is a great city but the downfalls are leaving me broke. Like gas is about be 5 dollars now and they tax for water. What type of city tax for water. CHICAGO!!. But on top of that the sales tax is 10.25 percent now. What is this the great depression? Its crazy. So my ideal life now is to let Jerry back to the Military and work one more year so I can save up a little bit. Get married and live on post with him and my daughter. Its much better than living pay check to paycheck. The only thing is for that year I will be without him. Who wants be lonely. But I know its for a good cause. I will miss my family, friends, old life, but I will start a new one. Im so confused but curious as well. What do I do. Do I save? Or live from paycheck to paycheck. So many decisions, very little time.

Everyday is time..Live like it was your last.

Angel B.

Life is So Short

Yesterday I got a harsh look at reality at work. I work in the most sensitive place a person could ever work. The Cancer Center at Northwestern Hospital. Now my job is to be pleasant and polite to the patients. Which I have been doing. But we see soo many patients that come in very sick, ill, and on their last breath. Its hard. But what made it even harder is when a patient knows they are about to die.

So yesterday one of my favorite patients came in and he was very happy like always. After he seen the doctor, he came to me and just gave me the biggest hug someone could ever recieve. I asked him what was wrong. He just cried and told me how much he appreciated me and how thankful he was to have met someone like me. He stated that I was truly someone special and that he would never forget me. Then he proceeded to take a piece of candy and told me that was he last one. It touched me. I gave him my number and took his as well. As he turned to walk away from me I just sat down and cried. I knew at that moment that it was time for him to go over to his everlasting home. I then realized that you can't take life for granted its truly a precious "moment". Dying and how I want to die has been on my mind lately. I just thought I should share my feelings with my readers about getting in touch with the people you have lost such as family, friends, coworkers.."associates" anybody. One day your here the next minute you are gone. Think about that

The Reality is..You Live to Die

Angel B.

Just Thinking

I have been planning to have another baby. WHHOOOO HOOO!! Lol. So I have been going to all these different website to find out how I can concieve quickly. I have been so excited these past couple of months with my fiance as we try to have this baby, and yesterday I went nuts. My nerves were so shocked from work and being stressed out about planning one, that I went off. I mean I flipped. I went from just sitting in my bed to jumping out of it screaming. Maybe its just my hormones. So I know you wondering what happenend right? Well, the first incident was my fiance had put our daughter in the tub and when it was time to get her hair wash. He went into the bathroom making this loud noise, which in turn triggered her to started crying really loud, like in a screaming tone. So I get up and confront both of them about the noise and why it happened. So I ended up making my Hubby mad and washing the baby hair.. I really didnt want to do either but I did. But thats not the end of it.

The second incident happened very quickly. Lol. I was sitting in the bed watching the BET Awards show. Then My Love wanted to brush the baby teeth because she had little accident where her tooth in the front is loose. So he asked his sister to get the baby some water and she went and got this big glass, and filled it up. So my little bundle of joy drinks a little sip from the glass and then the glass was to heavy for her little hands and she ends up throwing it backwards where I was sitting. It felt like I was swimming in a pool of water. Lol. So I jumped up furious but not at her. Mad at the situation. So as Jerry (My Hubby) was putting new sheets on the bed I stated very angry. "I'm not having anymore Kids. I'm going to stop taking my vitamins and stop trying as well". He just looked at me. I could tell he was angry and upset that I said that. So then very calm he asked " why not bay". I told him my nerves was shocked. But you know what I was just insane thats all. I really regret that now and I really do want to have another baby. But this goes to show people. You can't just say things because your angry. You can really hurt someone feelings. I hope this Blog open some readers eyes.

Love your Life. Its a Precious Moment.

Angel B.

The Life of A Three Year Old!!

Now I must blog about my daughter, because I think she is one of the most amazing people on this earth. This little human being has so much energy, and talent it blows me away. Have anyone just sat down with a little one and just talked to them and hear what they have to say. For example my daughter came to me and said " Momma I wanna some food" I asked her " what kind of food do you want" she looked at me very distraught and she then said " you know mama the kind that swim in water". So then I looked at her very strange and said " are you talking about some fried fish". She said " yeah Momma thats it". I thought that was soo adorable. Why? Maybe because I'm a first time mom and we could get a little crazy at some points. But, I think that it's some thing in the food that makes these little minds so Intelligent at a young age. It's up to us parents to keep them that way. How? In this day in age it's very hard, but it can be done. Being a parent is a very demanding job and I love it. Call me crazy non-parents. But I do. When my "baby" come home from school, I be just as excited as she is to tell me all about it. My ears be open, eyes are bucked, my heart is racing. Its a great feeling. So when I get off work today, I will be expecting to hear a fantastic story about how crazy her tiny life is. But whats really more insane is, I get so upset when I dont hear one. Talk about insanity.Lol. I Love my little bundle of joy.

Life is Life..Live It

Angel B.

A Little About Me

I am at work right now so you will have to excuse the rush. I am 23 year old, woman, established in my mind. Well let me say doing alright for myself. Born on a cold, but springful day in April of 85. I have traveled to alot of places in my very "young" life. Been to such places as Canada, Puerto Rico, Louisiana (College), Michigan (family), Indiana, Wiscousin, Ohio, Phily (love that city), Florida (childhood memories) and other places. Now thats what you call Blogging right? Just try to name all the states. Lol. I'm a mother of 1, a wonderful, energetic, talented diva. Autumn is her name she is 3 years of age and in school. " Have to start them out very young". I just wanted to put this blog up as my first one because I want the readers to know who I am. I blog off crazy things like... Drama..Life...Reality..Dreams.. Things I see.. Anything. Please come in a make yourself comfortable with my writings and speak how you feel about them. Ask me questions and give me Ideas. Thanks for stopping through.

Angel B.